he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
