gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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