Don't you send me to vm
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
