Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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