saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love you.
Bad choice
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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