she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
