hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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