I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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