You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize