Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
