so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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