Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
