so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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