My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
