if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
