and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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