why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
