wrigley field is MILF paradise
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize