You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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