she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
