i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
