Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
