I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
