I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
