found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
