Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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