a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
