What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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