Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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