I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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