You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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