So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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