i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
