I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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