I just threw up on my dentist
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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