Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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