Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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