You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
