No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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