took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
