hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
