Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
