Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
