I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
