So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
