we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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