yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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