Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it penis luge time yet?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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