i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
