I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
