end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
