so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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