Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
