I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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