Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
