funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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