i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
