Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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