your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
