Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
