i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
