You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
