I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
