all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
