Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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