Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
