Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
