Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
