Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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