i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
