Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
