i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it hurts more in the daytime
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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